Dear online book group moderators:

It’s so kind of you to take the time from your busy schedule to host a group for folks like us. The book lovers, the readers of the world who live to re-hash plot points and characters with others. And it’s all on the cozy Internet. Wow.

Now it’s my turn to help you. I have vast knowledge of the online book club world, so permit me to share what I know.

I’ve got it down to five rules. Feel free to share with all your friends. And I know you’ll want to take notes. I’ll wait as you get a paper and pen.

Ready? Okay, here we go.

Rule No. 1. Not everyone in your group will agree with what is a great book, a good book or a terrible, why-did-I-waste-my-money on this book. Like I tell my kids, if everyone in the world looked alike, the world would be a pretty dull place to be. I don’t want everyone in my online book group to be Irish-English from the northeast, okay?

Rule No. 2. When said people disagree with you, and they will ’cause we’re all people with different tastes (duh!), don’t chide them for offering their opinion. It’s called free speech.

Rule No. 3. Get a sense of humor. It goes far, believe me. Please. I’m begging you.

Rule No. 4. When (read that again- when) you get miffed at something somebody said, don’t shut the group down. This is so junior high school. I hated junior high school.

Rule No. 5. The most important rule of all:

If you are too sensitive, and don’t handle conflict well, don’t volunteer to moderate an online group.

Follow these rules and you will have a wonderfully glorious online moderator experience. Ignore to your own peril.

Sincerely,

the all-knowing Monica who is feeling oh-so snarky today