I traveled back in time this week; it was a good reminder of how much I’ve forgotten.
During my recent cleaning/organizing frenzy, I found an old VCR in the attic. I brought it down thinking I would pop in an old Barney or Donut Man video for Lucy. Poor child is lacking in her knowledge of the purple dinosaur, and as a good mother, I felt a need to remedy that wrong. More importantly, we canceled the satellite this month, so I wanted to replace Noggin. Not that she spends all day in front of the telly. I try to use the black box only when I need a mental break or want to take a shower. There’s nothing like a good Disney movie to give you uninterrupted bath time.
While Lucy had a Barney lesson, Susan discovered a home video in the TV cabinet. Honestly, I’d forgotten we even had it, and as she popped it into the machine, I was just as curious as the kids. I vaguely remembered what was recorded.
For the rest of the afternoon, I sat transfixed, much like a toddler mesmerized by a dancing dinosaur.
Susan, a week away from 6, and Peter, 4, romping on a picnic blanket, on a tiny island in a crowd of screaming Toby Mac fans. It was the summer of 2005, when we camped at Creation Festival. Lucy tucked in that blue stroller, the one I got for free, and brought with us because I didn’t care if it got muddy or wet. She slept in the stroller while we sang along to the songs. At two months, you’re not too interested in contemporary Christian music.
The video cut to us at home. Edmund now in front of the camera to proclaim his third birthday. The joy of his special day evident by his huge grin. His face part baby, part little boy. Round like a full moon with rosy cheeks.
There were conversations captured:
Mommy, he’s in his underwear!
Where’s my bathing suit?
I am taking your picture, this is a video camera.
Susan drank from the sprinkler, Peter wore an aloe green swim suit. I only remembered these things while watching the tape. Baby Lucy with a small strawberry birthmark on her forehead that we referred to back then as her laser beam. Someone came up with the idea that it had the power to blast bad guys. The birth mark faded years ago; I wish I could remember how long she had it.
From the sofa, the kids laughed at themselves, gleeful to watch their antics.
See? I always liked the color yellow.
Is this the time when I lost my tooth?
Mommy, is that baby is me?
I can imagine Susan as a newborn, six months and a toddler learning to walk. I don’t remember Peter as a baby. His birth day is vivid, but his infancy isn’t. Unless there is a recording in a box I’ve yet to find, those memories are gone. The same with Edmund. With Lucy, I can still see her as a babe. It’s easy to do: it was only three years ago, I suspected her to be my last, and I wanted to suck all the fond memories I could from her babyhood. So I paid attention all the more. At least, I thought I did. Watching the video proved there was much I’d forgotten.
Is this why we mothers are so eager to blog our lives? We write about these daily happenings, nothing that would interest anyone but ourselves, our children and family, because we sense if we don’t use every medium we can to hold it close to our hearts, the memories will be gone forever?
I don’t want to forget joyful play, the red moon face, birthmarks or the simple happiness from a summertime sprinkler. I want to remember it all. Yes, even the three year old with a fondness for towels over toilet paper.
I’ve always scoffed at those mothers who told me the years go by too fast. Oh, how I miss those days!
I’m beginning to understand how right those women are. It is going too fast.
Like on the VCR, life needs a pause, stop and rewind. I could skip back to those days when I was busy with a 18 month old toddler and infant. I would revisit those days when our only schooling was reading picture books. I would go back and tell myself to slow down, enjoy it more, play more. To days of grief and pain, I’d go back there too. To fast forward through pain would take away from the joy to come later.
Tomorrow there will be no one to teach long division or little hands to wipe clean. No Legos scattered over the floor to step on. Even now, when this is my daily life as a mommy, I can sense it fading away. Yesterday I had a newborn and tomorrow all four will be grown. Because – as much as I wish for it – life doesn’t have a pause button.
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Twitter: WriterMommy
Stop making me cry so late at night already.
Trying to capture those little moments and the reality of life as mom is one big reason why I do blog. It matters.
And, the good Lord knows, I have NO scrapbooking abilities!
Take care…
Mariannes last blog post..He Speaks My Language
awesome..awesome post. well said..perfect!
melanies last blog post..five things I wish I could get into (but I just can’t)
Scrapbooks! I remember those! ha ha.
Poor Lucy has no scrapbook of her first year like the other kids do. When she wants to know why, I’ll blame blogging.
This was lovely and so true. The years fly and sometimes the memories get crowded out with more pressing issues. We are very blessed to have the technology to help us capture those magic seconds. Be well, P
Pams last blog post..Middle East Primer
Twitter: multitaskingme
Sometimes they seem to grow up so fast it physically hurts my heart but I’m sure God has great things in store for us in the post-kid raising years as well…right, God?
Melissa Multitasking Mamas last blog post..Praying for the President
Oh girl. Pass the tissues. Even though I have a piping hot fresh newborn I still get sad when I think about how quickly my oldest and middle child are growing up. I look at my newborn and can’t believe this is my third baby.
Nell
Nell @ Casual Friday Everydays last blog post..You Had Me At Hello
Beautiful post. My first born married only two weeks ago. I told her that she was a beautiful bride and that there was only one time that she was more beautiful. That was on the day she was born, for on that day she was mine. Now she belongs to someone else. Yes, they all grow up too quickly. I have two grandchildren (my middle daughter’s girls) and they are rushing through life even faster than their mother did.
At this season of my life, if “life” did have a pause button, I’d push it and never push play again.
Lavondas last blog post..My Resolve
Did I link you to watercolor ponies, by Wayne Watson in Twitter?
This is a killer.
Because it’s all of us, every mom, every parent. We have to leave each moment very clearly and fully engaged, don’t we?
Ann Kroekers last blog post..Make-Do Mondays: Free Home Gym
I wrote a post not long ago–the letter for Amber/Mother Letter–how it all goes by in a blink.
*blink*
http://annkroeker.wordpress.com/2008/12/09/the-mother-letter-project/
Ann Kroekers last blog post..Make-Do Mondays: Free Home Gym
If you did, I didn’t see it. What is it?
So true Monica!
I know, I know. I was looking at some old photos and was struck the same way.
I’ve been to TWO Creation Festivals… once with my youth group then in college with a college friend, my mom and my little brother…. OH, what amazing memories there!! I can’t wait for my “little” ones to be old enough to enjoy that trip….
…. oh, but I DO want to hold on to them at THIS age!!!
I have a 4 yr old that I can barely remember holding her as a newborn in my arms. I have a 2 yr old that I try to snuggle EVERYDAY even when she tries to wiggle out…LOL… I don’t want to forget…
EVEn in the midst of crazy preschooling choas (with trying to “teach” a 4yr old,3 yr old and 2 yr old)!!
Thank you for your reminder to stop, pause and rewind. And THAT is definitely WHY I blog…
Kelly Bs last blog post..More SNOW pictures:)
I know what you mean, Kelly. You want them to grow so they are more independent, and can do more fun things with you, but you still don’t want to rush them through childhood.
And maybe we were in that Creation crowd together and we didn’t know it. Creation and summer – that can come as fast as it wants to. I’m tired of the snow and cold already.
Eh, I still can’t capture that feeling. They aren’t growing fast enough for me. Sometimes I think I’m just not meant to be a mom.
Shannons last blog post..I’m Back and Paying It Forward
I’m right there with you, Shannon. Days come when I will them to grow up, like when they fight over silly things, or act stupid. Then I look back, and I see how far we have all come.
And moms come as all types, maybe you are not the mushy, gushy mom that remembers the baby/toddler years with fondness. That’s okay.
Twitter: AmyThue
Oh I wish we had more videos that we could play to take us back. The years go by so fast and we too easily forget.
Amy´s last blog ..Thankful for New Beginnings
Love barney and love old home movies.
It does make you stop and think.
Susie @newdaynewlesson´s last blog ..Try To Live In The Moment