I do my best thinking when I clean

And my mind can go on auto pilot allowing the thought process to drift and dig deep. These are thoughts that came to the surface as I scrubbed the bathtub this morning:

Why am I the way that I am? What motivates me to think the way I do?

. . . when my grandfather gave my brother those extra quarters because “He’s the boy and older.”

. . . when the county parks department didn’t give me that job I wanted my Senior year to maintain hiking trails because they didn’t think a “girl would want it.”

. . . when a male peer called me a “feminist” at our college and Career fellowship meeting because I believed women could serve as pastors.

. . . when I prayed my first baby would be a girl, so she would have the experience to be the eldest sibling.

As I sit here now typing this, I realize why I started pondering these memories.

I was thinking why I read the books I chose to read, the books that motivate me to run to the keyboard and write. These books by women, for women, to encourage women, to strengthen women. I can see how my life experiences have shaped what I chose to read, what causes and charities make my heart beat a bit faster, and what types of women I befriend.

I don’t think for a minute that my life and what I’ve experienced as a girl or woman has been an accident. I believe it’s all part of a master plan, designed by a Master Creator, to use me right where I am, right now. As a woman.

And I’m thinking now I would never wish any of it away. Those times I felt anger, bitter or helpless – no longer part of me. I forgave a long time ago. I am thankful for a powerful God who gave me the ability to do so. Without Him, I’m not sure I’d be able to let the bitterness go.

I think about what I’ll be doing when my kids are grown and I’m no longer homeschooling, mothering so intensely. I wonder how it all will come together and the things I’ll find to do. How I will help.

I would never trade any of it for it makes me who I am.

~ Monica

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9 thoughts on “I do my best thinking when I clean”

Such an interesting post, Monica… Lots to discuss.
In some ways I agree, and in others I’m still being painfully disillusioned as I discover that men and women are not equal on all levels.
But one thing I am certain of is that God has a master plan, and He is always in control. So even those circumstances which are painful are being used by God in His infinite wisdom to shape us into the pure and holy beings He has called us to be.

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Twitter: monicabrand
in the body of Christ, no men, no women. we are all equal.

in the world, not so much. But I look to Him and that’s all that matters.

PS yes, I still have my moments of “that’s so unfair!” but as I grow, it doesn’t bother me so much

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This is an interesting read. By no means do I begrudge your experiences or how they shaped you. I cannot for the life of me understand them. A child of the seventies, I was raised in the height of the equal rights movement for women, for blacks, for (fill in your favorite statistical minority here), by a strong working mother who was raised by a strong working mother, both of them reluctant feminists who lived the lives that ERA supporters longed for but loathed the hoopla and hysteria that ERA supporters created. They lived these lives out of necessity, not choice. Instilled with the belief that I should be color blind, nationality blind, and gender blind, I left home and entered a world that is anything but color blind, nationality blind, or gender blind. Through both my childhood and adulthood I listened to people talk about how easy white men had it in life. I always wondered who these white men were. Called on to respond to a discussion of the trials and tribulations of the single black mother in America during a university English class, I wondered aloud, “If white men have it so easy, why am I working so hard?” A young white guy at the far end of the classroom sat straight up in his chair and shouted, “Amen, brother!” It’s everything that I can do to live the golden rule, to remember that no matter what I say or do I fall short of the glory of God and deserve the eternal condemnation of every other sinner in the world, regardless of race, skin color, nationality, or gender. Just a few long-winded thoughts…I hope I did not offend.
.-= Arby´s last blog ..Day Three =-.

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Twitter: monicabrand
Of course not. You’re a guy.

I hope no one takes it I’m guy bashing, because I’m not. I think guys are great, I’ve always had guy friends and if my husband wasn’t a man I’d be disappointed, to say the least.

Seriously. We all have our own experiences, struggles that make us who we are. I’m happy to be me with everything that’s happened in my life. It’s for a reason and purpose.

And you men – yes, you White Men – it’s not a walk in the park for you either. Thanks for chiming in, Arby. I’m not easily offended. You really do have to WORK to offend me.

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Twitter: WriterMommy
I liked this post, Monica, and I, too, was glad my daughter was the oldest (having been the only girl and the youngest).

I do my best thinking when my hands are busy at menial tasks, too.

.-= Marianne@Writer-Mommy´s last blog ..More Than Just Strawberries =-.

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Twitter: Fullnest
Hi,
I’m visiting from Monday Mingle. I’ve struggle through some of the same things you have. I was raised by a single mother at a time when it was not socially acceptable for single women to have children. Feminism has always felt like a burden for me. Not only am I expected to be a Godly wife and mother, but the Feminists want me to take on all the responsibilities of men as well.
.-= Denise´s last blog ..Music Monday =-.

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Twitter: jamieworley
I’ll have to think more about this and the other comments while I’m cleaning later. Actually, I really do think better when I am either cleaning or driving in the car by myself.