And my mind can go on auto pilot allowing the thought process to drift and dig deep. These are thoughts that came to the surface as I scrubbed the bathtub this morning:

Why am I the way that I am? What motivates me to think the way I do?

. . . when my grandfather gave my brother those extra quarters because “He’s the boy and older.”

. . . when the county parks department didn’t give me that job I wanted my Senior year to maintain hiking trails because they didn’t think a “girl would want it.”

. . . when a male peer called me a “feminist” at our college and Career fellowship meeting because I believed women could serve as pastors.

. . . when I prayed my first baby would be a girl, so she would have the experience to be the eldest sibling.

As I sit here now typing this, I realize why I started pondering these memories.

I was thinking why I read the books I chose to read, the books that motivate me to run to the keyboard and write. These books by women, for women, to encourage women, to strengthen women. I can see how my life experiences have shaped what I chose to read, what causes and charities make my heart beat a bit faster, and what types of women I befriend.

I don’t think for a minute that my life and what I’ve experienced as a girl or woman has been an accident. I believe it’s all part of a master plan, designed by a Master Creator, to use me right where I am, right now. As a woman.

And I’m thinking now I would never wish any of it away. Those times I felt anger, bitter or helpless – no longer part of me. I forgave a long time ago. I am thankful for a powerful God who gave me the ability to do so. Without Him, I’m not sure I’d be able to let the bitterness go.

I think about what I’ll be doing when my kids are grown and I’m no longer homeschooling, mothering so intensely. I wonder how it all will come together and the things I’ll find to do. How I will help.

I would never trade any of it for it makes me who I am.

~ Monica

Welcome, friends, visiting for Mingle Monday. I am glad you are here.