Category Archives: True confessions

Team Brand: we work well together (which is convenient since we’re married)

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What began as a lame Saturday, even with me writing a whiny journal entry, turned into a really, really good day. Really! A ton of work accomplished on the back porch and yard, stuff I didn’t think would get done, because of the way the day started. It was a happy Saturday surprise.

Are you like me? I love to see a large section of work accomplished. Dramatic “before” and “after” photos. I’ve noticed I’m totally that way with homeschooling too. I have a stack of papers from when Susan was nine. Why I still have those papers, when we don’t need to document here in New Jersey (thank you, Lord! it makes life easier) is a matter of me keeping memories in a box.

I look at that stack, weigh it in my hands. “Look at what she did.”

Same feeling today. I look at my improved porch, yard, and have that satisfied, happy sigh. “Look at what we did.”

Yes, I’ve learned nothing new regarding finding contentment. Some days are better than others; I’m still looking outward at the physical. But we won’t harp on the negative. Let’s review all Doc and I did today:

  • Gutted the back porch of all the junk that was dumped there.
  • Swept same back porch of dirt and rabbit poop (we let the bunnies run free there for a day while the hutch was under construction.)
  • Moved all good wood scraps into basement for future use (I suspect most of it will be confiscated by A Boy for his own schemings.)
  • Moved various other tools and whatnots into basement too (now the basement is more of a disaster, but at least I don’t have to look at it from my house.)
  • Removed junk that had accumulated in yard just beyond back porch (antique Singer sewing machine, paint brushes, rollers, toys. Gah. Am I really admitting this on the web?)

All of that plus we took a few iced tea breaks. We work well together, Doc and I. Glad we can do that – I know some couples can’t. There might have been a couple of times when we didn’t and I think those all involved the car and a new GPS system, so that doesn’t count. Married couple + car + new technology = it doesn’t count on my blog.

A day like today – us with a pick-up truck and elbow grease – yeah, we’re good.

So sorry there are no pictures. Will someone please invent solar powered camera batteries? Actually, I’m kind of glad I have no pictures of our trash and evil pile of accumulated junk. It’s one thing to describe all of this in words, but do I really want to share the photo evidence too?

Yeah, I love all this web confessional stuff, so I probably would.

Yet more thoughts on contentment

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Thanks for the encouraging words this week, friends. It’s nice fantastic that so many of you would miss my contribution to the blogosphere if I were to drop out. Thank you.

I’ve been thinking more about it and here’s what I’ve come up with: my problem isn’t blog influence, it’s me and mothering (Or mothering and I? Umm. Not sure.)

My youngest daughter has a friend who calls me, “Lucy’s mommy.” Never Mrs. Brand or Mrs. B like I tell her to when she comes to play. It was cute at first, very preschooler speak, but the more it continues, the more it makes me want to grind my teeth. Future play dates hang in the balance because of it.

Why does it irritate me so much to be labeled by an innocent 4-year-old?

Then there was the time our Pastor referred to a woman like me as a housewife.

Again: why am I so freaked out by another label given with the best intentions.

I don’t write much here about my previous life, my existence before kiddos and homeschooling. BC (Before Children), I was a newspaper reporter and traveled to the other side of the world. I met a slew of interesting people. Nowadays, I hang out with all these people much shorter than I who all require various degrees of daily care.

Patience, Monica. They are only young for a moment, really. Then they are grown and gone.

I know it.

My head does anyway.

My heart?

Guess not.

Surfing contentment: confessions of a Christian mommyblogger

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I keep trying to write this post explaining my thoughts about why I would consider deleting the past four years, but it’s been so difficult not to not sound like a whiner. Let me see if I can do this without the Internal Editor.

Contentment. I’m not too good with all the verses telling us to be content with where we are, with what we have, who we are. I feel like I’m on a cyber surfboard on my little blogging wave. I’m doing okay. I’m in the water, the sun warm on my skin, the water salty on my lips. The surfboard so familiar to me now as I’ve been at this blogging gig for so long. My balance is good, it’s a nice rhythm.

But then I take my concentration off my own modest sized wave and look to the other surfers around me – their waves are so much bigger than mine. They are faster, bigger. People on the shoreline are impressed, clapping, pointing to her. I think to myself: Cool. I want to try riding those big waves.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Contentment.

I’m just a mom. One step further in – I’m a homeschooling mom. My wave is scattered with a tween, a preschooler and two inbetween. It’s a day full of little people.

That mom over there on that other wave, she might have her kids in school or they’re older than mine or she only has one. Her wave is hers. That’s her blog. My wave, for what it is, a mix of family stories, homeschool reference points, book lust or just cyber goofiness, is mine.

But dang it, friends, I sure do want to catch that other wave. All those “Hey, Lord, what about me?” prayers.

So that’s where I am: struggling to learn contentment – seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever been good at it, even before blogkeeping.

***

Okay, I just reviewed what I wrote and this is the way I feel. I’m writing in my journal, that three ring notebook I keep next to the bed so I dont’ have to get out of bed to record thoughts (often, it’s the only quiet place in the house.) After breakfast… no, tween Susan cooked breakfast muffins, all I have to do is tidy up. After that, I’m going to type this up, tweak the paragraphs, and punctuation, but I’m not going to touch one word of it in order to save face. I may change the title. Right now it’s Confessions of a Christina Mommyblogger, but that sounds too sexy. Maybe some nod to surfing or contentment. Not sure yet.

So now you know why I questioned Monday as to the future survival of this blog. I don’t want to delete Paper Bridges. I want to write, post videos of my kids doing kidly things and continue to be me. But me better – content with what the Lord has given me.

Okay that’s all for now.