I had three of my kids with me, my boys, 10 and 7, and my eldest girl, 12 years old next week. The night’s project was making bird feeders. A dad passed out the supplies: wood pieces, screws, metal sheeting for the roof and demonstrated how to put it together. Simple construction, easy.

The dad had two electric power drills, one by-hand screwdriver. Ten kids waited patiently.

“Why don’t you help her?” Dad said to his son, a boy well versed in power drill. The boy had just finished using it on his own bird feeder. He picked up the screw and began drilling into my daughter’s bird feeder to attach the base.

My daughter watched.

On the other side of the room, another boy, another girl, same scene.

She said nothing, watching as he began to work on her bird feeder project.

I know how to use tools. I’ve used electric saws, table saws, lathes, jigsaws. I took wood shop in 7th grade when it was required. I took wood shop as an elective in high school. I built ramshackle forts in my backyard. I built a skateboard out of old metal wheels and rough wood. I came home in tears from freshman year wood shop due to the caustic remarks from the male teacher. I never took wood shop again.

My daughter is not me. As far as I can tell, she is not interested in carpentry, power drills or building with scraps of wood. She’s more rubber spatula, cake pans and flour. But this was an easy project. All you had to do was screw straight down four times; plus I think everyone should try a tool when given the opportunity.

Make no mistake – I made sure I was gentle, yet firm.

“Wait a minute. That’s her bird feeder.”

“Excuse me. That’s her project. Let her do it.”

I had to repeat myself several times, my voice raised a bit louder each time. Eventually those boys gave way and the girls used the drills by themselves.

Moms, encourage your daughters to try the new, the unfamiliar.

Tell your sons: help doesn’t mean you do it for a girl. Show her, demonstrate. Then hand the tool to her.

Speak up for your girl so she has a turn to try.

Boys, girls and an electric drill is a post from: Paper Bridges, © 2010 Monica Brand

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If I was your true friend, then I would ask you:

How is your spiritual life?

Are you praying? Reading your Bible?

How can I pray for you today?

What are your struggles? Hopes? Dreams?

Past friendships never heard me ask those questions, when I knew I was supposed to ask them. Now I see these women struggling, drifting away, falling into a place I’m sure they never dreamed they would go. I stand at the shoreline of our friendship and they have drifted so far away. I wonder if they are happy. I am not happy for them.

Slowly I am learning to cast aside the fear, to speak up. To run after another crying girlfriend who just walked out the church door.

If we were friends away from the confinements of this cyberworld, then I would be having you here for dinner or coffee. I’d have your kids play with my kids, especially on a day when you needed a break because raising kids, especially if you homeschool and are with your kids more than usual, is exhausting work. Our husbands could hang out by the grill, we ladies would no doubt be in the kitchen. I’ll wash, if you dry. We would laugh together, cry together.

I hope you would answer the tough, difficult questions with honesty because if we are truly friends, then we shouldn’t have to fear.

If I was your true friend is a post from: Paper Bridges, © 2010 Monica Brand

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Why am I the way that I am? What motivates me to think the way I do?

. . . when my grandfather gave my brother those extra quarters because “He’s the boy and older.”

. . . when the county parks department didn’t give me that job I wanted my Senior year to maintain hiking trails because they didn’t think a “girl would want it.”

. . . when a male peer called me a “feminist” at our college and Career fellowship meeting because I believed women could serve as pastors.

. . . when I prayed my first baby would be a girl, so she would have the experience to be the eldest sibling.

As I sit here now typing this, I realize why I started pondering these memories.

I was thinking why I read the books I chose to read, the books that motivate me to run to the keyboard and write. These books by women, for women, to encourage women, to strengthen women. I can see how my life experiences have shaped what I chose to read, what causes and charities make my heart beat a bit faster, and what types of women I befriend.

I don’t think for a minute that my life and what I’ve experienced as a girl or woman has been an accident. I believe it’s all part of a master plan, designed by a Master Creator, to use me right where I am, right now. As a woman.

And I’m thinking now I would never wish any of it away. Those times I felt anger, bitter or helpless – no longer part of me. I forgave a long time ago. I am thankful for a powerful God who gave me the ability to do so. Without Him, I’m not sure I’d be able to let the bitterness go.

I think about what I’ll be doing when my kids are grown and I’m no longer homeschooling, mothering so intensely. I wonder how it all will come together and the things I’ll find to do. How I will help.

I would never trade any of it for it makes me who I am.

~ Monica

Welcome, friends, visiting for Mingle Monday. I am glad you are here.

I do my best thinking when I clean is a post from: Paper Bridges, © 2010 Monica Brand

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1. Yet more thoughts on contentment

Two days home now. Here is what I’m thinking:

I ate too much. I’m afraid to get on the scale.

I know in my head that if you gather a group of women together, the odds are good you will find victims of abuse and neglect. At the retreat, I heard several of these stories from those in our group. My heart had a harder time accepting it; I was shocked, angry, and now I’m just sad for what these ladies had to endure.

It’s fun to act silly.

Gwen Mouliert is quite funny. Better yet, she knows her Bible.

Girls suffer at the hands of women too. Negligent mothers, take note.

I have great talent for eating Doritos.

As a girl and grown woman, I have suffered little compared to some of my sisters-in-Christ.

I love my friends.

I like sleeping on the top bunk in my sleeping bag.

I prefer less air conditioning.

We serve a powerful, loving God who heals the brokenhearted. Thanks be to God!

Three hundred women singing It is Well (With My Soul) is beautiful.

Women’s retreat, Blue Mountain, PA (June 2010): reactions, reflections is a post from: Paper Bridges, © 2010 Monica Brand

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1. I am a woman inspired

Miley Cyrus is no longer age appropriate for your preteen daughter.

That didn’t take long.

Bummer.

The new Miley Cyrus. I’m not surprised. is a post from: Paper Bridges, © 2010 Monica Brand

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I’ve been thinking more about it and here’s what I’ve come up with: my problem isn’t blog influence, it’s me and mothering (Or mothering and I? Umm. Not sure.)

My youngest daughter has a friend who calls me, “Lucy’s mommy.” Never Mrs. Brand or Mrs. B like I tell her to when she comes to play. It was cute at first, very preschooler speak, but the more it continues, the more it makes me want to grind my teeth. Future play dates hang in the balance because of it.

Why does it irritate me so much to be labeled by an innocent 4-year-old?

Then there was the time our Pastor referred to a woman like me as a housewife.

Again: why am I so freaked out by another label given with the best intentions.

I don’t write much here about my previous life, my existence before kiddos and homeschooling. BC (Before Children), I was a newspaper reporter and traveled to the other side of the world. I met a slew of interesting people. Nowadays, I hang out with all these people much shorter than I who all require various degrees of daily care.

Patience, Monica. They are only young for a moment, really. Then they are grown and gone.

I know it.

My head does anyway.

My heart?

Guess not.

Yet more thoughts on contentment is a post from: Paper Bridges, © 2010 Monica Brand

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1. Much ado about nothing: thoughts on Twitter
2. Cut me? I bleed coffee (No, I don’t know what monkey pee tastes like, just work with me here.)
3. To be known by my name

Which goes beautifully with this list.

And if that’s not enough of a Bucket List for the believer, you can add a Number 51 – check this out.

Don’t you love it when bloggers are mysterious in their links?

Trust me, it’s all good.

Interconnected is a post from: Paper Bridges, © 2010 Monica Brand

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I can’t think of a title for this post is a post from: Paper Bridges, © 2010 Monica Brand

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Warning to parents: Sex trade predators are looking for your children (this article specificly looks at Houston, Texas)

A Good Friday 30 years in the making

Help children with HIV/AIDS in Sub-Saharan Africa

Global problem, local solution

In memory of Madeline Alice Spohr

No-frills links is a post from: Paper Bridges, © 2010 Monica Brand

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Libbie Loves: Pride and Prejudice to hope and freedom

Trafficking a money-maker: South Africa: News24

Feminist Peace Network: UNIFEM: increased incidences of sexual and domesitc violence reported in Gaza

Rights groups say child sex abuse rampant in tourism industry

Plus more in my Google reader – click here to check it out.

No-frills list o’ links is a post from: Paper Bridges, © 2010 Monica Brand

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