This is Part Two of To thrive again at home. If you are new here, you may want to read it first.
Let me tell you about my first boy…
The other day I was at my mom’s when she asked Peter, my nine-year-old, to read something. We were gathered in the living room, playing a game, having a good time goofing off together. Peter looked at that little paper slip held out to him, glanced at me sitting on the sofa across the room. His eyes void of all confidence.
“No, I won’t. Not with my mom in the room.”
Heart-broke home schooling mom, that’s me.
That flash into my boy’s heart was a real eye-opener.
Peter never has that look when talking to an adult, playing a video game or riding his bicycle. This is the child who always wants the WHY and HOW. This is the kid, who at the age of five, took the logical leap from knowing how his baby sister would come out of me, to how baby got in there in the first place.
He loves Story. Magic Tree House, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, My Side of the Mountain, Story of the World – he listens to audio books for hours at a time. He takes apart the VCR to get it working again. He’s discovered the power of combining hammer and nails. There are chickens to chase, crayfish, snakes and turtles to catch in our creek. A bedroom over-populated with Legos. His knowledge about reptiles, birds and animals is impressive. He doesn’t watch Animal Planet, he absorbs it.
But reading? I’ve succeed in turning it into a battle zone. I’ve pushed too hard, too soon. His eyes told me all.
Okay, I admit it: I screwed up.
I should’ve backed off years ago, leaving him alone to play with letters and books, letting him come to reading in his own way and timetable. Alas, I’m an imperfect home schooling mom with an agenda. Not only am I a gung-ho home schooling mom, but I’m passionate about language and words. I love books, writing, anything that smacks of literary, I’m totally into it. I have a B.A. in English with a writing concentration; my own education is language rich; to have a late reader is… unnerving and somewhat scary.
Trusting Peter, trusting God
So how has this affected our home school life? When it comes to reading and traditional “school work,” I’m backing off, letting him absorb the world around him for now, letting him be a nine-year-old boy. Since May, since daily life became busy with travel and summer outdoor fun, I’ve asked nothing formally of Peter in regards to seat work (no math, reading or grammar).
What an amazing and fun age for a child!
Most importantly, at the heart of all this do-no-school-work-existence, is the quest to repair that mother/son relationship. I’m going to do that by letting him read what he wants, when he wants, with no demands from me. Right now as Peter’s mom, and as a Christ-following home schooling mom (that makes a huge difference, right?), I need to trust that this is the right road to travel.
That scared look from across the room? I never want to forget it. Peter – and really, the Lord – told me how I need to keep my eyes fixed on the personal needs of the child, not focused on a how-to-home school book I read years ago. I shouldn’t even be looking at the past success of a sibling.
Each child is unique. I’m thankful that the Lord reminded me in my mom’s living room that day.
A boy and a book
Last week a few of our chickens disappeared from the yard, a trail of feathers the evidence we have a chicken-hungry critter lurking nearby. Peter spent hours building a trap involving a cardboard box, string, bait and an impressive hole. When I asked him where he got the idea for such an elaborate trap, he just gave a nonchalant shrug.
“Oh, I found it in a book.”
Cool. In my mama heart, I’m rejoicing, but I’m not going to say a word to my boy… yet.
