One minute my preteen is giggling over the laptop, enjoying her online game, the next she’s weeping because of a message she received from one of the other kids.
Welcome to the world with cyberbullying.
As my children spend more time engaging in online games, chatting with other kids and joining in popular social sites, it’s inevitable they will encounter cyberbullies, kids using the Internet to threaten, harass and make trouble just like the meanness I had to deal with on the school playground. There really is nothing new under the sun.
Thankfully, this first experience with a cyberbully turned into a teachable moment in which we both learned a lesson about sharing information online.
I’m gonna come get you, {Real Name}!!!
I know if I found such a message from a virtual stranger in my inbox, I’d be alarmed. I suspect the use of her real first name freaked Susan out even more. Together we reported the message as abuse and I’m happy to say it was quickly removed. But I’m sure the damage is not so easily deleted.
Here are my thoughts on what happened, how it could have been prevented and what we’ll do in the future to protect us from a cyberbully:
What my girl did wrong:
Through her tears, Susan confessed to sending a private message to another gamer that contained her first name. My girl has good wits about her when it comes to online communities and she knows our rules. No sharing private information like full name, address, and our phone numbers. And if anyone asks you such questions, tell Mom or Dad right away.
So she didn’t think twice about sending her name to her friend. How another kid got her name is unclear. Did her “friend” share the information with the cyberbully? Was the private message hacked? I’m sure we will never know. (I’m not going to name the website where this occurred; I’ll only say it’s a popular place for young people online).
What my girl did right:
I’m proud of my daughter. She told me right away she felt threatened by the message. Susan trusted me to help her, to comfort her when she easily could have kept it bottled up inside.
What we will change:
Before this happened, I never told my children not to tell anyone their first name, only not to divulge their full names. Now I see how just the use of a first name coming from the typing hands of a cyberbully can be horrifying, so I’ll be adding “No first name sharing” to the list of No’s to prevent this from happening again.
A bully, online or off, is still a bully. When we use the Internet to make our lives easier or to play a game or connect with people, we run the risk of finding the not-so-nice people. We need to be ready to deal with the cyberbullies as they find our children.
Has your child encountered a cyberbully? Did she tell you about it right away? How did you handle it?
For more information about cyberbullying and prevention, visit STOP cyberbullying.
